In 1983, film director Godfrey Reggio, released the avant-garde art film, Koyaanisqatsi. I was immediately drawn to it as the musical score was written by the great American classical composer, Philip Glass. The movie is a montage of images and scenes with no spoken word or characters. It is the first in the trilogy of “Qatsi” series, which also includes Powaqqatsi, and Naqoyqatsi. It has become somewhat of a cult classic.
The term, Koyaanisqatsi, comes from the Hopi language and literally means, chaotic (koyaanis) life (qatsi). It also translates more loosely into, “a life out of balance.”
This is kind of how I would describe my life right now. It is becoming more evident as the pandemic drags on, but I can’t make this the scapegoat. Much of my condition, specifically my mental, emotional, and physical state, is due to my own lack of self-care and not “practicing what I preach.”
This month, in particular, has been particularly challenging. Being Mental Health Awareness month, many people, organizations, and media outlets have all stepped up their efforts to raise awareness and reduce the stigma of mental illness. And rightly so. But then again, mental illness occurs 12 months a year, not just in May. I’ve done a number of presentations, workshops and media appearances. Plus, I just launched a podcast called Mental Health Verses (available on Spotify – shameless plug).
Which brings me back to where I am at. As a “solopreneur” and someone who is involved in a variety of volunteer-based activities, I’ve found my gas tank getting low. My activity level has not been as regular (riding my bikes – yes, I have two) and my nutritional choices haven’t been optimal. I have also received a strong message from several important people in my life (my wife, psychiatrist, therapist, friends in my 12 Step program, etc.) that I need to cut back and set better boundaries around my work and personal life.
There’s a saying I’ve heard many times before, and I heard it again the other day, “So far, you’ve handled 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great!” This I do believe to be true. There is another saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” That, I believe is a crock of you know what. There are times when I say, “Enough already!”
BUT, there is one thing that I am doing right. First, I am continuing to use my wellness tools, including prayer, meditation, and reaching out for help from both my personal as well as professional resources. I fully believe that the God of my understanding is working through the people in my life and that Christ is walking by my side (and even carrying me) during this challenging period.
When times are tough (like they are for so many of us right now), and we feel overwhelmed (like so many of us do), and we feel like we are fighting an uphill battle (which is COVID in a nutshell), I know that I have to call upon a Power Greater than myself. I can’t explain how God works, or even why things happen the way they do. But I do have faith that ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, with God’s grace, my life is in good hands and that no matter what happens, I am protected and held in the loving arms of our Creator.